Washington Nationals’ outfielder was recently photographed to show how he gained a lot of muscle (like, a lot of muscle) over the offseason, but you can see that he is holding two boxes of Girl Scout Cookies. This got me thinking; since most people love Girl Scout Cookies, and most people love baseball, WHY NOT COMBINE THEM? This post will be dedicated to every Girl Scout Cookie from their official website and how their descriptions work for several baseball players as well.
THIN MINTS: OUR ROUND, MINT-FLAVORED COOKIES WITH A DELICIOUS CHOCOLATY COATING
MLB PLAYER THAT REPRESENTS THIS: COCO CRISP
When you think of delicious chocolaty coated baseball players, Coco Crisp better be the first person that comes to mind. It is still to be determined if he tastes like mint, but we’ll probably find out soon if the A’s all get stranded in O.co Coliseum because the sewage attacks again and their forced to turn to cannibalism.
SAMOAS: OUR CARAMEL AND TOASTED COCONUT-COVERED COOKIES
MLB PLAYER THAT REPRESENTS THIS: SHANE VICTORINO
Nothing scream “coconut-covered” than the Flyin’ Hawaiian himself.
PEANUT BUTTER PATTIES/TAGALONGS: A LAYER OF PEANUT BUTTER WITH A RICH CHOCOLATY COATING
MLB PLAYER THAT REPRESENTS THIS: JEAN SEGURA
An 80 grade smile isn’t all that Milwaukee Brewers’ SS Jean Segura brings to the table. Just like tagalongs, just when you thought it couldn’t get any better, it did.
DO-SI-DOS: THESE COOKIES GIVE YOU CRISP AND CRUNCHY OATMEAL ON THE OUTSIDE AND CREAMY PEANUT BUTTER INSIDE
MLB PLAYER THAT REPRESENTS THIS: ANDREW MCCUTCHEN
Just like Do-Si-Dos, Andrew McCutchen seems like the kind of guy to be described as “crisp and crunchy oatmeal”, because not everything that’s on the surface is important.
SAVANNAH SMILES: ZESTY, LEMON-FLAVORED COOKIES DUSTED WITH POWDERED SUGAR
MLB PLAYER THAT REPRESENTS THIS: BRYCE HARPER
Zesty just seems like the perfect adjective to describe Bryce Harper’s style of play. Also, I can totally see him getting down to “Pour Some Sugar On Me”.
THANKS-A-LOTS: THIS TASTY SHORTBREAD COOKIE WITH FUDGE ON THE BOTTOM
MLB PLAYER THAT REPRESENTS THIS: JOSE ALTUVE
HA, GET IT?! BECAUSE HE’S SHORT!
DULCE DE LECHE: INSPIRED BY THE CLASSIC LATIN AMERICA CONFECTION, THESE SWEET, BITE-SIZED TREATS ARE PACKED WITH MILK CARAMEL CHIPS
MLB PLAYER THAT REPRESENTS THIS: YASIEL PUIG
Yasiel Puig may be the only Latin American caramel thing anyone should care about.
CRANBERRY CITRUS CRISPS: FULL OF TANGY CRANBERRY BITS AND ZESTY CITRUS FLAVOR
MLB PLAYER THAT REPRESENTS THIS: JOSE FERNANDEZ
A combination of the Marlins orange jerseys with Jose Fernandez’s orange glove make for a citrus filled bonanza in Marlins Park.
THANK U BERRY MUCH: PREMIUM CRANBERRIES PROVIDE THESE HEARTY, WHITE-FUDGE CHIPPED COOKIES WITH A TOUCH OF TARTNESS
MLB PLAYER THAT REPRESENTS THIS: QUINTIN BERRY
Quintin Berry may be the farthest thing from “premium”, but his base-stealing does bring a “touch of tartness” to the game. Also, his last name is “Berry”.